Sunday, February 17, 2013

I took poison, but I want to live !



A 28 year old mother of 2 kids was admitted today to our ETU ( emergency treatment Unit) along with her 3 months old baby and the 2 year old toddler.  She had taken kaneru which is a poisonous seed , commonly used in these areas of the country  to commit suicide. I feel terrible whenever I come across anyone who’s admitted here with self ingested poisoning tantrums as it gives pain to them as well as us who have to put great efforts to fight against the poisonous killers. Most of them actually yells and prays for life as if they can’t remember their heroic act to end life. Some seems to have real problems that had deprived them from life but most of them have low self esteem and poor tolerance towards lives hardships.

The young mother i mentioned above , had a fight with the husband as he was an alcohol addict. Did her act withheld him from drinking? That, I don’t know. But at the end she had a 3rd degree heart block and had to be transferred to the nearest teaching hospital which had a specialized cardiology unit.

Its just a matter of minutes that depends on ones patience and how well they tolerate their anger towards what ever problems they face.
A Father of 4 had taken poison because the wife left him with the children due to his alcohol issues.  The above mentioned mother of 2 had tried to end her life cause she couldnt tolerate the hurtful acts of her alcoholic husband.

An uneducated manual laborer took poison to end his life as he was tired of earning and yearning for money which was never enough, a highly educated businessman took poisoning as his businesses collapsed and failed.
18 year old girl , who eloped with her boyfriend was abandoned later by him, and she tried to commit suicide with an insecticide as she was unable to face her family or society.
Meanwhile there were one or two brats who come here with heroic acts of ingesting small amounts of poisons to scare their parents or elders for various household issues.

One said "amma gave me plain tea and said there was no milk powder, I couldn't drink plain tea doctor so I threw away the tea she gave me, and she scolded me, I felt bad and took poison, just to scare her"

"my goodness child  ! a plain tea ? Is that the value of life these days ? “ I was surprised. I gave her a good lecture and showed her the life she lived was in fact better than of those who are suffering from illnesses in our ward. 

Another said she had a fight with the elder brother cause of a boy who was interested in her. A 15 year old only child was admitted with self ingested paracetamol tablets , as her mother prevented her of going near the domestic cow and scolded her in front of her  friends.

Most of them had no sense or understanding of life itself. The mass media such as TV, Radio, magazines, TV had done the damage to their minds already, thus resulted with various heroic acts to scare down the elders so that they could live in their fantasies. Most of them regret of what they have done and fears death as they are brought to hospital pleading, begging for life and at the end learns the lesson themselves when things get worse, even  ends with death.

What I do mostly is show them the critically ill patients in the acute side of the ward. Those Grasping each breath with their open mouths, loud respiratory stridor, sunken eyes and cachectic bodies.
"look at them" I say, "they wanted to live, they wanted to care for their loved ones, they wanted a life ! but look, their illness is irreversible. There’s no turning back but look at your self….! Your parents brought you to this world with so much love and raised you intact but you chose to waste and cripple your healthy bodies with poison. Do you know how much money and human resources are wasted to save you? Is it fair to spend so much to save a life that you, yourself wanted to end?"

We could have granted that money to give a kidney to that patient in bed 3 who's suffering from end stage renal failure, who’s still 35 and has 3 kids?"

Yes, life is unfair most of the time !

All of us undergo immense pressure from the hectic work load and stressful living conditions, every one of us go through pain each day. Seeing or feeling the loss of our loved ones fill our hearts with desperation and hurt but we hold everything tight and push them aside. We smile and treat each day with delight cause at the end of the day we choose to live rather than letting go of life ! 

16 comments:

  1. Hmmmmm, You've done wrong, we should spread the word , how to suicide easily. (Like 10 easy ways to suicide) :D :D :D

    either this society should committed to develop new nation, development, social equality, by committing themselves.

    But, what we can see throughout this Buddhist/Catholic/Muslim cultural society. If neighbors are doing well, they go to 'Huniyam' place. Petitions (Pethsam). If neighbor child pass the exam and own one failed, can they still be happy?, seems problem lies with ourselves. Our expectations and actions are reflecting from the society.

    For me, i think its easy to find 10 Good ways to suicide without pain. :D :D :D

    If this site admin is a doctor, i think she/he can point out a good one :D.

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    1. Shara : I chose to live ... ! so sorry friend cant agree with u on that

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  2. Replies
    1. NO one ! even the most fortunate people have worst miseries written all over their past...

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  3. I was with my father who had CRF in a ward of The General Hospital, Colombo. I saw how many suicide attempts were made by people and ultimately ended up with irreversible kidney damage, while I was there. Maybe later they wished they died the first time than to end up with a failing kidney and dialysis.

    I think people can become desperate enough to commit suicide when they see no way out. And the suicidal thought is only a heartbeat away. Different people, depending on their lifestyle and background, have different levels of tolerance towards problems.

    You know a Anith Kona, it's LAST STRAND OF STRAW THAT BREAKS THE DONKEY'S BACK. Sometimes we see only that straw.

    (Heart block is cardiac arrest, isn't it? I didn't know it had degrees like burns. Like a third degree burn)

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    1. thanks dude aiya ! so true... its just a heart beat away... really appreciate ur comment !
      yes in medicine most of the things come in threes... first degree, second degree and 3rd degree in almost anything... :D

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  4. Sad stories.... just a few drops in the ocean of such stories we see and hear everyday.

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    1. true angel.. yep just a few stories of hundreds of patients we come across. Still no end to this...

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  5. You are correct, The media instead of helping the nation to control this menace is helping more and more to commit suicide. See there is one thing we can be proud about.. I guess we have the highest suicide rate in Asia (or we are among the highest) ?

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    1. thanks... true fact is that we cant controle ones mind... we can only help them heal

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  6. People who try to suicide don't know the Value of their life until the poison hurts them..I have seen they plead the Life from god amidst doctors', nurses', parents' scolding...

    people who are suffering from deadly deseases know the Real value of living (life)

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    1. yes pathum... many cant see this... actually even we cant see the future or end to it when we face great problems or difficulties in life !

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  7. Question: with such a high prevelance of deliberate self harm / attempted suicide, what support if available n a psychiatric point of view? Do they have EUPD? or is this high rate due to undiagnosed/untreated clinical depression with hopeless and helplessness?

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    1. Actually most of them are fresh cases.previous no records of depression or any other illness. There is a good support system through mental health units in each hospital. as I have worked in MHU for a short period, I can surely say that suicide rates among diagnosed ones with depression of other mental illness is much less compared to fresh cases of suicide. most of them lack a support system in their homes or society and dont know that counselling and support unit is available at hospitals. who ever has a good insight of their problems come to these support units early. If one is admitted with suicide he/she will be thoroughly screened by specialist doctors in Mental health units and proper counselling will be provided. This i know for sure as I have worked in both medical and psychiatry wards earlier.

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ඔබ මෙහි ආ බව දැනුනොත් සතුටක් ! It would be great to know that you were here !